Tough Parenting Days Remind Me How Awesome God Is

Top on my endless to do list has been find a cheap pair of slip-on shoes.  Unfortunately, my feet have gone up an entire shoe size this pregnancy.  Awesome.  My feet never swelled or stretched during my first pregnancy but, I have heard that this is a common issue so I guess it is my turn to experience this little delight.  I've been squeezing and pinching my swollen piggies into my shoes for the past several weeks but, this pregnant lady just can't take it anymore.

So, after picking up my kiddo from preschool last week, we headed off to Target.  Daisy quickly made up her mind that we were going to Target to buy new outfits for her dolls.  I informed her gently that we in fact were not going to be buying clothes for her dolls but, suggested that she ask for those things for Christmas.  She wasn't satisfied with my suggestion but, I thought she had  moved on.  Evidently she hadn't, because after being in the store for only five minutes (three of which were spent racing to the bathroom for her),  she proceeded to sit on the ground and refuse to move despite my gentle nudge and then firmer reprimand.  She wanted to go look at the toys and she was bored of being an obedient daughter.  Classic four year old behavior. 

Now, I am eight months pregnant and I can barely bend over to pull up my pants, shave my legs, (forget painting my toenails) or put a shoe on, let alone drag a tantruming four year old off the floor of Target.  On the other hand, I just finished reading the excellent, "Loving Our Kids On Purpose," parenting book and I am now trying ever so patiently to incorporate the Godly tools that I've gleaned into my discipline and parenting.  I bent over my gigantic belly (uggggg so not fun) and got down at eye level with my snot-nosed, tear-streaked kiddo.  

"Daisy, I am going to let you make a choice.  You can stop crying now and shake this off.  Get up and help mommy finish her errands and then we will go look at the toys for a while...or you can keep crying, get up and help mommy finish her errands but, after we will not go look at the toys when I am finished.  You get to choose kiddo.  So what will it be.  Shake it off and help mommy or not?"  

And as four year olds so often do...she chose not.  

It hurt my heart because, I knew that the consequence of not going to look at toys after was going to be painful for both of us.  I knew she would regret her choice in ten minutes once she got over this tantrum. I knew she would try desperately to get me to change my mind.  I knew the battle was far from over.  Sigh.  

She continued to cry (not too loudly thank God) and walked a good ten feet behind me all the way to the shoe department.  I knew that I needed to shop fast because I was starting to have hot flashes and feel dizzy...another glorious side effect of being eight months preggo.  I also knew that Daisy's behavior could easily go even further downhill but, dangit I needed at least one pair of shoes that fit my fat feet.  I tried to tune out my daughter as she continued to whine and make a scene and I also tuned out the people who were staring.  I was a pregnant lady on a mission!  I spotted the clearance wrack and to my delight I saw that there were slip on shoes marked way down.  Hallelujah!! I didn't even care that the shoes weren't at all cute...my feet were SO happy and I got to check another thing off my overwhelmingly long list.  

Daisy was still crying...truthfully, I wanted to sit down and cry with her.  I think she is tired today.  I'm tired too.  I think she needed a hug.  I needed one too.  I think being four must be really tough.  Being 8 months preggo with a four year old is really tough too.  See, I can empathize with her even when she is being a little stinker.  

I picked my daughter up (I still pick her up but, boy it is not an easy task anymore), walked over to a bench and set her down,  I wiped her snotty nose and tears away and again bent way down so that I could talk to her at eye level.  "Daisy, it hurts mommy's heart when you choose to be unkind.  Mommy's feet hurt and I need a new pair of shoes.  I needed your help but, you chose to not help Mommy.  Now we will not be able to look at toys and I know that your choice is making you sad.  I'm sorry honey.  I love you very much.  Maybe next time you will make a different choice?" I gave her a hug and then I told her we needed to go.  

She tried to convince me one more time that she deserved to look at the toys and she told me that I was mean...(that always feels great) when I remained firm.  

She stayed mad/sad at me and continued to walk a great deal behind me and pout but, somehow we both managed to get to the car alive.  

After all that excitement, this weary, preggo momma needed a milkshake from Chick-fil-A and lucky for me it is right next to Target.  Yeah.  I ordered a chocolate shake and was looking forward to sharing it with Daisy.  Of course when she learned that she would have to share with me she was not happy.  She wanted her own.  I understand.  Life is so unfair.  Sigh.  

Another chance to practice.  "Daisy, mommy loves sharing with you.  I am getting one shake and we can either share it or you can let mommy have all of it.  Your choice but, I hope you will choose to share with Mommy because that would be fun." 

Well, she chose to share.  Thank you Jesus!  One less battle to have on our twenty minute drive home. 

The shake was delicious and we were able to drive in peace...well, for the most part.  Four year olds thrive on arguments...perhaps this is true of children of all ages?  Daisy informed me that our shake was "banilla."  I said, "hmmm, interesting kiddo because it is actually chocolate.  Chocolate ice cream is brown.  Vanilla is white."  She looked into the cup and said, "it's brown banilla mom you are wrong." 

Now, I know that this is a super minor issue but, I think that just about all mom's of four year olds can attest to the fact that minor or not...after months of endless arguments over the silliest things, we all want to rip our hair out.  Our patience and sanity is beat up day after day and the constant arguments begin triggering panic attacks, heart palpitations and irrational thoughts of fleeing the country.  I'm slightly exaggerating of course (or am I) but, at the very least, the mental battles with our kids definitely make us weary...am I right?   

Borrowing a line from my good friend Annie I said, "Well, whatever floats your boat darling.  I love you too much to argue.  Let's just enjoy the ice cream."  After that, She got the last word in of course.  I chuckled to myself, ignored it and then we went back to enjoying our ice cream.  She was much happier after the sugar kicked in and so was I:).

The rest of our drive home, I couldn't help but meditate on my awesome Father in Heaven.  I reflected on how perfectly He parents me and all of His kids for that matter.  We often treat God like four year olds treat their parents.  We demand things.  We complain.  We suffer from nearsightedness and so often forget the awesome things that God has already done in our lives.  We often blame Him for every bad day, bump, scratch or issue in our lives.  We yell at him.  We let go of his ever patient, ever loving hand and have a tantrum when things don't go just how we want. We ignore Him and spend so little time with Him and yet wonder why He seems so distant when we need Him again.  We like to argue with Him and we think we know SO much more than He does when it comes to deciding what is best in our lives. 

Through it all, our Heavenly Father is abundantly kind, gentle, forgiving, patient, merciful, faithful and perfectly loving with us.  His love for us never grows weary.  It never runs out.  He never tires of our incessant chatter or our company.  His love is unfathomably deep and wide and covers a multitude of our sins against Him.  He patiently guides us to the truth and toward righteousness one day at a time...all the days of our lives.  

I can only imagine how much it hurts God's heart when we make bad choices, run away from Him and tell Him that He is "mean."  He takes no pleasure in our suffering or anguish.   

After reflecting for a little while, I couldn't help but say, "Thank you Jesus for loving me so well!" I certainly don't do anything to deserve that kind of love but, that love is there for the taking all the same. I am God's daughter!! What a tremendous gift to be a part of such a loving family!  I know that I can go to my Father on my ugliest day or hour and he will never reject me.  He will never yell at me.  Instead, even at my worst, He lifts up my face and shines on me and pours His love into my brokenness.  His love has transformed my life and my heart and continues to challenge me every day to be more like Him.     

As a parent, with a child of my own, I am able to get a little clearer taste of that kind of holy, perfect love that our Father in Heaven has for all of his children.  I would sacrifice for my daughter.  I would lay down my life for her.  I would do anything I could for her if she was in need.  I have wrinkles, stretch marks, a scrambled brain and gray hair because of my love for my daughter.  It is all worth it! 

On the other hand, I am human and my love is flawed and far from perfect.  I am not always patient.  I am not always slow to anger.  I am not always understanding.  I am unable to give my child my undivided attention at all times.  I have and will continue to make mistakes.  I might be selfish at times.  I will have bad days and might not even be all that fun to be around at times.  As much as I love and adore my daughter, I will still fail her at times. 

Tough parenting days are SO not fun but, they can remind us of how we often behave toward God and more importantly they can help us to reflect on how in perfect love, God responds to us even when we don't deserve His goodness.  God is awesome.    

God's love never, ever fails us.  He is a perfect example.  He is a perfect parent.  I want to be more like Him! 

3 Years Old - An Update and lots of blah blah blah

I have been writing this post off and on between the random ten and twenty minute breaks that my three year old now allows me.  Naps have been in short supply for well over four months and quiet time is great except that it really isn't all that quiet in our house.  It's more of a referee match.  "Can I come out yet?" No, stay in there it's only been two minutes!"  "Mom, I'm thirsty!"  "Tough kid, you are going to have to wait at least an hour. You just had a drink!"  "Mom, I hafta go potty again."  Sigh.  I'm totally kidding with the drink...(mostly) hehe. 

I can't even maintain a single thought process with a three year old around which is why this blog bounces ALL over the place as you will soon discover in this post.  I can't tell you how many times I walk into my bedroom with the simple intention of getting my glasses off of my dresser and instead repeatedly walk out of my room with items other than the glasses.  It takes me a few trips just to get the one item that I actually wanted in the first place.  Why you ask? Well, because my adorable 3 year old's little voice is ALWAYS going and going and GOING and as a result my brain simply cannot process a normal adult thoughts...most of the time. In love.

I love talking three year olds!! I promise I adore them but, being a stay at home mom to one in all of her new words glory, pretty much makes my brain feel like a paper towel that has been asked to hold far too much water and has turned to mush..Yuppers.  My day is full of Mom, Mom, Mommy, Momma, MOMEEEE and MOMMMMM.  My leg is a hanger for three year old arms.  My butt is a punching bag.  My potty breaks are no longer breaks...scratch that.  They haven't been a "break" since I birthed this child. If I am in her presence she must be in my face.  She is obsessed with me really and it so many ways it is absolutely priceless.  She wants me to hold her all the time and she wraps her arms super tight around my neck everywhere we go.  She is so proud of her Mommy and she kisses my face until it's covered in kissy slobber.  If I walk out of a room, she is sure to follow.  If she can't find me (because I am hiding under the bed) she starts wailing for me and won't stop until she finds me (hiding under the bed...at which point I say, "you found me!  Great job now it's your turn to hide." Saved!)  It's precious.  I guess this is that special age that most moms look back on and long for and I should savor it...I really do try.  Ask anyone who knows me.  I cherish every day with my kiddo to the best of my ability but, that doesn't change the fact that it is challenging at times to uh, stay sane. HA. 

But, in spite of all that I absolutely love being a stay at home mom and I love my three year old to bits.  I wouldn't change this for the world and I have never regretted giving up the corporate world to be smothered by my three year old.  She continues to amaze me with her imagination and spunk.  She has such a tender and loving heart for everyone.  She is gentle and kind but, she can also be wild and silly.  She has more energy than the energerizer bunny on his best day.  She is a total blast...exhausting but, a blast. 

One day Daisy asked me to take pictures of her like I do for my clients.  She has hated having her picture taken for well over a year now so this was a request that I just couldn't pass up.  I literally jumped on it.  I quickly dressed her, threw a headband on her head, tossed a few props in the car and drove around the block to our local boardwalk.  I was already drenched in sweat before the session even started.  So fun.  Gotta love the humidity! She happily let me take her picture and even humored me and obeyed a few of my requests...for like 5 minutes.  But, that was enough time to capture a few cute images and that is all I need of a three year old.  In fact, I would never expect more than that so I was thrilled.  This was nearly a month ago now.  I am terribly slow.  The problem I have is that I don't like to take the time to edit my own pictures anymore.  I just don't have the time and I get so distracted by more "important" things like taking a cat nap while my kiddo destroys the house or drinking my 3rd cup of coffee.

That being said, most of these are not edited...which kind of makes me sad but, at least they are blogged and I can print them and remember this sweet day.  Wish I could hire an assistant to edit my personal photos...or clone myself.  Someday....(wink).  But seriously, could she be any cuter.  I love her facial expressions and I love her brown eyes and strawberry blode hair.  "Daisy, I just adore you!  You are my sunshine little one." Love Mommy

  I'm convinced that most things in life are just like raising a three year old.  Most everything worth while in life is challenging at times and yet oh so rewarding.  Perhaps we would take the rewards for granted if we never faced any challenges?

Daisy is a sweet and sensitive little gal.  She is tender and loving.  She is a keen observer and listener and also a huge talker.  I love these qualities about her and I have no doubt that God has great plans for my child's big heart.  On the other hand, these qualities can be trying at times.  She gets her feelings hurt and frustrated easily when she is misunderstood.  She gets crushed if someone reprimands her for even the littlest thing.  I think she feels like they don't like her in these situations.  In this rather big cruel world that we live in, where being tough is practically essential for survival...I can't help but, worry about her sensitive personality at times.  Tis mommy nature.   I am a rather sensitive gal myself though, so I can relate.I love her sensitive spirit and I see her being a very nurturing person as she gets older.  (Below...she is waddling like a duck per her request and telling me a story while doing it.  Hilarious!)

She has become a passionate helper.  She asks to help all the time and she won't hesitate to jump in if we request her assistance.  Her favorite helping tasks are baking, cooking, setting the table, loading and unloading the washer and dryer, vacuuming, mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, putting clothes away, packing lunches, getting groceries in her own little cart and so on.  It is so adorable that she wants to help with everything but, boy oh boy it slows the day down. (insert mommy sigh here).  It requires boat loads of patience because most of the time I would like to get my chores done quickly but, when she helps it takes all day..literally.  Nonetheless, I want to encourage the helper in my daughter and I want to pass on skills that will help her in her adult life, so I do my best to suck it up and incorporate her little and rather chaotic hands into our daily routine.  It's not easy but, when I take the time to show her things I find that I really enjoy the process as well. 

I had a little photography session today and Daisy was very upset when she realized that I went to it without her.  Her bottom lip went down and her face became downcast. "Mom, I wanted to go wif you. I wike to help you." Melt me like butter kid.  I won't be surprised if she becomes my photographer's assistant before too long.  That would be a treat!  She wants to do everything I do...all. the. time. hehe  She is definitely my little buddy and more often than not I love having her around to run errands with me or pop into a store. 

She is beginning to test limits a bit more these days.  More often than not, her little acts of mischief crack me up.  Just this morning she noticed some chocolate cupcakes sitting on the counter and she discovered that she was just tall enough to swipe her fingers across the tops.  Frosting is this kid's weakness.  She swiped once and I pretended not to notice because I wanted to see what she would do if I continued to ignore her.  She seemed to think that because she got away with it once it must be okay so she went for it again.  By then I was cracking up and had to burst her bubble.  Mommy is always watching kid! hahaha.   She did try cutting her hair once but, that was a long time ago now.  She loves to hide Daddy's wallet and keys and that has become a bit of a problem because she forgets where she hid them. Whoops.  She takes her jammies off every night after we put her to bed....don't know why I even bother anymore.  She likes to chuck her crackers out her window when we are driving.  We are working on this but, it doesn't help that it makes me giggle. She loves getting water out of the fridge and putting it in various containers in her play room.  For a while there she really enjoyed the toilet paper while she was sitting on the potty.  We nipped that in the bud real fast.  She likes to get the little stools out of her play room and then she sets them in the kitchen or bathroom so that she can reach things that she is not supposed to be getting into in the top cabinets.  She is clever and finds a way to get what she wants.  When she does go down for a nap she usually gets into every little thing in her room for about an hour before she falls asleep.  When I peek in on her I am always amused.  Dress up dresses and heels on in bed with a tutu around her neck.  All of her blankets on the floor with her asleep in a heap.  Daisy is hilarious and not a day goes by that she doesn't double me over with fits of laughter.  Just the other night she and I went for an evening swim together and she was playing keep away with me.  We both cracked up so much that we got hiccups.  I love that she gets hiccups all the time...sorry Daze but, you are just like your momma. hehe

She has gotten SO much better about going up and down steps and stairs.  This has made my life so much easier at parks and in people's homes.  She still isn't 100% but, I would say she is almost there.  I have spent far longer than most Mom's, trying to keep her alive at parks.  I would also stress if I ever had to leave her at someone's house who had stairs.  She would walk right out of the open 10 foot pole drops, off of the top of ladders, fall through stairs, wobble off the edge of a rail etc.  Sigh.  It was exhausting to give her that extra assistance for so long and I think I see the value in a two story home now, if only to give your kid an earlier start at stair climbing.  lol.  Perhaps I will invest in a stair master for our next child?  We just went to a jump house today for a play date and she excitedly climbed the steep ladders on the monster jolly jumps like a champ and went flying down the slide all by herself.  I was so proud of her!! She is an overcomer!  You go Daisy girl!

I'm already forgetting when we decided to transition away from the pacifier or "poppy" as she endearingly calls it but, I think it was shortly after her 3rd birthday...April of 2013 I believe.  I don't regret letting her have it as long as she did in case you are wondering.  It was SO wonderful to have the poppy to quiet her down in the car, put her to sleep quickly and just relax her when we were in new places.  It was her best friend and it consoled her regularly.  It broke my heart to take it away from her and it was not an easy thing for this momma to do lemme tell yah.  I started telling myself about 6 months in advance to prepare for the rough week that was likely to follow after P-day (poppy d day). You have probably heard me say before that I do everything very slowly because I have found that is the best way for it to be less traumatizing.  It gave me time to mentally prepare and get tougher for the task ahead.  I waited until we were done taking vacations or having visitors in our home.  I also waited for her 3rd birthday to pass because I didn't want to ruin that occasion.  When P-day came I kept that entire week play date and appointment free so that we could weather the storm without any added stress and ultimately so that I could be attentive and supportive for my child.  I started talking to her about giving her pacifiers to the store about a month in advance.  I told her that she could buy a special toy in exchange for her pacis and she even seemed to get a little excited about the idea.  At this point she was about 3 so she was able to understand me really well.  We had a big conversation the night before we said goodbye to the pacis (her last night using her paci to go to sleep).  I think I studied her face extra long that night as she sucked away on her paci.  I had to say goodbye too.  The next day we made the entire day as special as we could. Around lunch time I collected all of her pacis in a bag without making a big deal out of it and then we headed to Target.  I let her pick out any toy that she wanted.  She shopped for about a half an hour and finally chose a Thomas the train track.   We walked up to the register I had her hand her pacis to the clerk (in a baggie) to "buy" her toy.  She seemed to get it and didn't make a fuss at all.   The people in line gave me strange looks...that is always fun but, the clerk was so sweet and understanding.  Thank God for understanding people!! After shopping I took Daisy out to celebrate with a big girl lunch at Panda Express...her favorite.  She had a great time and she didn't ask for her paci at all until bedtime.  Bedtime was sad and it broke my heart to hear her cry so hard for her poppy friend.  Tore. me. up...  I ended up crawling into bed with her as I was expecting and consoling her for a good two hours until she finally fell asleep whimpering.  She also woke up crying in the middle of the night a couple of times if I am recalling correctly but, she fell back to sleep quickly.  The next three nights were tough but, each night got a little easier and I did my best to distract her and keep her mind off of her paci.  Still, I am not a tough momma so things like this are probably just as hard on me as they are on her.  After that first tough week she went to bed without crying but, she would whine off and on for a good two months when she thought of her pacifier.  "Mom, I miss my poppy, " or, "I don't want Thomas duh twain. I wan my poppy!"  she would randomly say and start crying.  Poor boo boo.  Honestly, overall I think she did exceptionally well and whined far less than I was expecting.  No, it wasn't easy or fun but, she did it and I am so proud of her.  You are tough cookie Daisy boo. 

THE END OF THE NAP ERA: The other downside of taking the pacifier away was that her daily 3 hour nap died almost simultaneously with the paci. Heavens tibetsy, that was a brutal and unexpected blow...for me.  I weathered a rough week of no pacifier transition only to come through and discover that I would not be getting any breaks for a long time going forward.  Without the pacifier Daisy was unable to shut down for her naps and barely able to at bedtime without a good couple of hours to chat herself to sleep.  She became much more agitated, irritable, emotional and restless throughout the day once the pacifier was gone.  It was a very noticeable change in her behavior and honestly I felt bad for her because I could tell just how hard the transition was for her also.  After a couple of rough weeks, I was exhausted from the unexpected 24/7 time with an extra irritable Daisy and with virtually no breaks until 9 PM every night  We did manage to get some in bed quiet time thanks to the Disney ap. on my phone but, she quickly tired of that.  After a few months, I think Daisy has learned some new ways to calm herself down and relax and she is far less irritable.  Over the past month or so I have been able to get her to take one or two naps a week on our extra busy days and those naps are my life line to say the least.  I used to shower, blog, edit pictures, exercise, clean house, take naps etc. during that glorious 3 hours break every day.  I'm not gonna lie, transitioning into a schedule without a nap has been very hard on my mommy sanity.  I find that I am pretty much ready to crawl into bed by 9 every night and I have no energy for much of anything else.  Perhaps it has been God's way of easing me into the Preschool transition which is just a mere two weeks away. Holy Cow!  I think that transition could have been a lot harder if I wasn't in such desperate need of a break! hehe.  Don't get me wrong, it is still going to be hard...just not AS hard. 

Anyways, all that to say that saying goodbye to naps has been very hard (for me) and I know that probably sounds terrible but, it does get easier as time passes.  I am learning to carve out 20 minutes here and there throughout the day instead of having a 3 hour chunck and I am starting to accept this as the new norm. 

But, how could you not melt over this sweet angel face below....her smiles kill me every day.

Then she got this silly idea to flip her hair around wildly....trust me it was 100% her idea and I just snapped away.  Her silliness cracks me up.  If you don't know by now...this kid is always on the go.

She is quite the little explorer. I'm pretty certain that she got that from both me and her Daddy. We both love to look for bugs, snakes, critters and animals in every nook and cranny. We love adventure, seeing new places and taking risks from time to time. We are regularly taking walks, riding bikes, going to the lake, scoping out new trails etc. I hope she will grow to love nature as much as we do! The only thing that she doesn't love is spiders and in general bugs.  I blame myself for passing  that on to her.  Sorry Daze!
 ACTIVITIES:
She loves just about any kind of activity as long as we are doing something.  Splash pad, pools, museums, jump houses, parks, play dates, crafts, making necklaces (she loves that right now!), playing with her doll house (which requires me to be in imagination land for a long time and that gets old fast), sprinklers, painting, reading books, going to the library (which we just started doing last month and she loves it.  So happy that she enjoys books now), going to other people's houses, going to sunday school, dancing to music, dressing up like a princess (yes, surprisingly this is still a fave and just last week she stayed in costume all day even while we did errands. so cute!), playing pbskids.org on my new computer (curious george games are her favorite), watching shows (she gets really bored of tv for the most part these days), riding her bike (she has gotten really good at this!), paying with her baby dolls and cooking in her kitchen, even shopping sometimes, texting on my phone (she just learned that this week and loves it), face time family members, talking my ear off etc.  She also loves to help us bake or cook...she LOVES that. 

She starts preschool next week so our schedule and routine is going to be changing and I am going to be emotion next week so please...everyone leave me alone for about 5 days and then I'll get over it and be as good as new:). lol.  As hard as 3 can be at times...more often than not I wish I could freeze time and keep her little forever.  I love the way she runs into my arms for giant squeeze hugs and teh way she wants me to kiss her boo boos.  I love the way she brushes my cheek with her chubby little fingers that still have dents in the knuckles.  I love the way she laughs when I make silly noises and the way she want me to high five her every time she does something she is proud of.  I love the way she talks about Heaven and that Jesus is preparing a home for us.  I love the way she prays at the dinner table and all the silly things she comes up with.  I love her.  Forever and always.  There is so much to adore about a child and life really does fly by.  Soak it up.  One day at a time for tomorrow is never promised.  xoxo