Monday, February 17, 2014

When I Hear Kenny G Music Playing

For over 25 years I swam in a crystal blue pool, under swaying palm trees, in southern California, Summer after Summer while Kenny G music played over the outdoor sound system.  I would lay out in the warm sun, on my Gram's floral patio furniture and the sweet sounds of saxophone and jazz would lull me to sleep.  I don't know too many teenagers that unashamedly love Kenny G but, I was one of them, thanks to her.

She was an early riser and whenever she hosted one of her many grandchildren sleepovers she would turn the radio on to jazz music and it would be playing softly in the morning to greet us.  She always had a delicious breakfast waiting for us when we finally decided to drag our lazy bums downstairs.  She never rushed us or expected anything of us grandkids.  How she served us so patiently and sacrificially through all of our selfish seasons, I'll never know.  

As she got older she would sit outside for many hours in between spurts of watering her roses or tending to her yard.  She loved being in her garden.  I would say it was her happy place and her roses brought her so much joy.  As long as her sound system was working I could hear those sweet jazz melodies playing softly behind the scenes.  The music danced through the warm breezes and into my ears like a warm hug or Mother's kiss.    

There's just something about when I hear Kenny G music playing.  Such peaceful melodies.  So soothing and absolutely bursting with memories.  I laugh.  I smile.  I cry.  

I've had two Kenny G channels saved to my Pandora station for a few years.  Whenever I nap or if my kiddo naps with me, I always turn one of those channels on.  I'll admit that more often than not, instead of napping, I will lay awake in bed listening to the tunes and watching the memories roll through my mind and across my heart.  It's beautiful to remember her so well and to have so many wonderful memories.  Such a priceless gift.  

I find myself chuckling at the recollection of her walking around nearly nude year after year (in a skimpy bikini) even in her 70's while watering her flowers.  More often than not she always had her fuzzy slippers on even if she was only wearing a bikini and I can still remember the sound of them shuffling across her stone pavement in her backyard.  Sweet, sweet memories.

Oh how I miss her so.

Death is strange, in that it seems that every loss I have experienced has been a completely different emotional journey for me.  Just when I think that I have learned the healthiest grieving techniques, I lose someone or something else and I realize that I really don't know anything about grieving.  Life just walks us through loss and sorrow whether we like it or not and we simply have to surrender to it and let time works it's soothing balm on our weary hearts.  

There are some people that we simply never stop wishing for another moment with.  She is one of those people.  I may have no choice but, to learn to move on without them but, the longing never dies.  Every week and especially on birthdays I miss her calls and thoughtful gifts.  With each holiday, I miss her savory cooking and the joy of her traditions.  Every Summer I miss her giant blue pool and the beautiful oasis that it was for so many of us.  Every day...I miss her.

Because of her, I cherish the close bonds of family and time spent with loved ones.  Because of her I will strive to create my own special family traditions.  She taught me what it means to be a listener, a giver and a friend through all the ups and downs.  It wasn't always perfect of course but, somehow we always forgave and moved right along.

I love you Gram and thanks to you, Kenny G, inspired this blog today.

Till we meet again...xoxo


  1. This is just the sweetest, it brought tears to my eyes. Sending lots of love your way, sweet Mama. Xxx

  2. Such a great post Casey! It seems like we never get over the grieving process because it's been almost 20yrs since losing my dad and I still miss him every day! The memories and lessons that they have left us with are so deeply etched in our souls!

  3. I love you. So much. You were on my heart the other out for a little care package in your mailbox in the next day or two! This post is so beautiful.


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