Thinking of You Today Gram

Today is my Gram's birthday.  She would be 77 years old if she were still with us (I think that's right).   It's been 6.5 months since she was suddenly snatched away from us and I know that we are all still processing her passing and the loss we feel in different ways.   Just a week ago or so her home was sold and the key was handed over to a new owner. (heart aching at the thought).  It feels especially weird to know that I will never be able to visit my Gram or her home when I fly out to CA for a visit.  Some people move a lot and their homes don't ever become terribly sentimental to them.  My Gram had lived in the same house ever since my mom was a teenager so you could imagine that it held boat loads of memories for our families.  The home was in a sense, another family member and I think a lot of us have had to grieve the loss of the home just as much as the woman who created it to be such a wonderful place for her family to enjoy. 

I miss her so much. Like, I miss her a TON times infinity.  I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to call her and tell her the latest news or text her a picture of Daisy.  I always sent her texts with pictures and she was by far the best responder....slow at times but, faithful and she wrote the cutest things in her replies.  I miss her comments on my instagram pics and on my Facebook page.  I'm sad that I won't get a call from her on my birthday this Saturday.  She would be singing Happy Birthday to me in her horrible cackling singing voice that I loved.  We were the only April birthdays in the family.  It was special to share the month with her and we always talked about how much we loved being spring babies.  We both love flowers and gardening so much and spring always put us both in a good mood.  I made artichokes last night and I couldn't help but think of my Gram the entire time I prepared them and ate them. We ate some together the last time I visited.  She made a big mess and we laughed about it together.  It's funny how such unexpected things will trigger a memory of her.  I know she would have loved Daisy's Easter outfit this year.  She loved when we all dressed fancy for the holidays.  She was rather old fashioned in many ways and Daisy would have made her proud this year:)

After my Gram passed, I intentionally chose to put a picture of her that I love on my fridge.  For about two months it was quite painful for me to even look at the picture when I opened the fridge without being overcome with sorrow.  I couldn't process the emotions that rose up inside of me.   

After a couple of especially hard months, I began to want to look at her picture and smile at her.  I would blow her pic a kiss every now and then.  I would find myself gazing at her, forgetting the milk jug still in my hand and talk to her or just pray aloud to calm my aching heart.  The thoughts that pop into my head now over 6.5 months later are rarely dark as they often were the first few months.  There isn't a stabbing rush of pain in my heart when I think of her or see her picture.  Don't get me wrong if I allow myself to think too long I can get sad rather quickly but, the simple day to day thinking is much more manageable.  Peace is slowly trickling in (because I want it to!) and filling up the void....it's coming slowly but, it's coming.  Of course there will always be moments of sadness for as long as I live but, I am hopeful and confident that time will lessen the intensity.  I know my Gram would want me to live a life as full as possible for her!

I'll miss her for as long as I live and she will always be in my thoughts.  Today I want to celebrate the good times and the memories we shared.  Happy Birthday to you Dearest Gram!

 

Touched By An Angel

1 Corinthians 15:52-57 “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 

 I think it important to share with our family and blog readers that the little girl who was the inspiration behind our daughter's name, passed from this Earth into Eternity early yesterday morning. She fought a very long and hard battle with cancer for over 3 years and in the past month she was diagnosed with cancer for the fourth time. She had two inoperable tumors and spent a great deal of her final days in the hospital. Now she is with Jesus and we all look forward to the day that we can skip down the golden streets of Heaven with her. She is cancer free for the first time in years. She is no longer broken and no longer in pain. We rejoice in the hope and assurance that we have in Jesus. We rejoice that this life is not the end and in fact is only the beginning of our journey. We also grieve with this family who will never again be able to tuck their little girl into bed at night or kiss her rosy cheeks when she wakes up...oh my soul...My heart just breaks at the mere thought of such a loss.

 

Psalms 61:1-2 Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I 

 

 John 14:1-4 ”Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” 

 We are bound to take life for granted from time to time. We are bound to get annoyed with our kids more often than not. We are bound to complain about the life that we have been given on occasion but, please oh please remember that every breath you inhale and exhale is a gift. That every minute you have on this Earth is a gift and deserved to be cherished and used up to the fullest measure of your ability. That your children are a gift...given to you for a minute, a week, ten years or maybe 90...but, any moment could be our last. Any breath could be our last. If only we could live life with the passion and fervor of someone who wants to make every second here count for the glory of God as sweet Daisy Merrick did.

 After my daughter got out of bed tonight for the third time to "pee" I nearly broke down and sobbed when she wrapped her squishy little toddler arms around my neck and gave me a giant bear hug while giggling away. Is there anything more priceless in all the world? How could I complain about three tuck-ins when I have a daughter to tuck in? How could I complain about my show being interrupted again when I got a far more valuable bear hug that turned my heart completely to mush.

So as I walked slowly back to my daughter's room, I inhaled the fresh smell of her baby shampoo hair.  I tickled her face with my nose, kissed her warm, rosy forehead and both of her cheeks and I tucked her back in bed once again.

Please keep the Merrick family continually in your prayers.  I found this very beautiful and emotional picture tribute video to Daisy on youtube tonight.  The tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks.  What a precious little angel you have been to all sweet Daisy Merrick.  Thank you for touching our family with your radiant love for Jesus.  Thank you for showing us how to be mighty in battle, full of hope in the face of adversity, joyful in the midst of pain and faithful to Jesus in all seasons.