Touched By An Angel

1 Corinthians 15:52-57 “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 

 I think it important to share with our family and blog readers that the little girl who was the inspiration behind our daughter's name, passed from this Earth into Eternity early yesterday morning. She fought a very long and hard battle with cancer for over 3 years and in the past month she was diagnosed with cancer for the fourth time. She had two inoperable tumors and spent a great deal of her final days in the hospital. Now she is with Jesus and we all look forward to the day that we can skip down the golden streets of Heaven with her. She is cancer free for the first time in years. She is no longer broken and no longer in pain. We rejoice in the hope and assurance that we have in Jesus. We rejoice that this life is not the end and in fact is only the beginning of our journey. We also grieve with this family who will never again be able to tuck their little girl into bed at night or kiss her rosy cheeks when she wakes up...oh my soul...My heart just breaks at the mere thought of such a loss.

 

Psalms 61:1-2 Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I 

 

 John 14:1-4 ”Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” 

 We are bound to take life for granted from time to time. We are bound to get annoyed with our kids more often than not. We are bound to complain about the life that we have been given on occasion but, please oh please remember that every breath you inhale and exhale is a gift. That every minute you have on this Earth is a gift and deserved to be cherished and used up to the fullest measure of your ability. That your children are a gift...given to you for a minute, a week, ten years or maybe 90...but, any moment could be our last. Any breath could be our last. If only we could live life with the passion and fervor of someone who wants to make every second here count for the glory of God as sweet Daisy Merrick did.

 After my daughter got out of bed tonight for the third time to "pee" I nearly broke down and sobbed when she wrapped her squishy little toddler arms around my neck and gave me a giant bear hug while giggling away. Is there anything more priceless in all the world? How could I complain about three tuck-ins when I have a daughter to tuck in? How could I complain about my show being interrupted again when I got a far more valuable bear hug that turned my heart completely to mush.

So as I walked slowly back to my daughter's room, I inhaled the fresh smell of her baby shampoo hair.  I tickled her face with my nose, kissed her warm, rosy forehead and both of her cheeks and I tucked her back in bed once again.

Please keep the Merrick family continually in your prayers.  I found this very beautiful and emotional picture tribute video to Daisy on youtube tonight.  The tears just wouldn't stop rolling down my cheeks.  What a precious little angel you have been to all sweet Daisy Merrick.  Thank you for touching our family with your radiant love for Jesus.  Thank you for showing us how to be mighty in battle, full of hope in the face of adversity, joyful in the midst of pain and faithful to Jesus in all seasons.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

I've had a surprising number of people ask me if Daisy is "part Asian." I'm laughing as I type this but, it's true! I know it's her eyes and I see it too but, it still cracks me up when people ask that question in front of me and my hubby when neither of us look Asian (or do we?). Funny, I've always said that if God ever opened the door for us to adopt that I would like to adopt from China.  Perhaps there is some sort of connection there? hehe.  So, the other night as Daisy and I were snuggling up on the couch together I looked at her precious little face and asked, "Daisy, are you my sweet Asian baby?"  

To which she replied in her adorable 2 year old voice, "No mom I not uh Ancient Bewwy (like berry but, with w's). I Daisy!" 

I died.  To stinking cute!

Some of her other cute words:  

Strawberry is: Straw-buh-days   (I can't bring myself to correct her because I get such a kick out of this one!)

Banana is: Buh-mean-uh

Hello Kitty is: Hewwo Titty (hehe)

Can you hold me:  Mom, I hold you?

She's also had her first couple of bad dreams in the past few weeks.  This morning she came into my room a little earlier than usual and I hadn't even heard her wake up on the monitor.  She must have slipped out of her bed very quietly which is not her usual style.  She walked into my dark room with 3 blankets and her pearl necklace in hand (she puts it on every morning) and a scared look on her face.  She proceed to try and explain to me in a two year old vocabulary that she had a dream about a scary vacuum and mommy was inside?  That's all I got out of it but, it sounded pretty scary to me! I wouldn't want to be stuck inside a vacuum...how terrifying...and loud...and dirty..ew.  I consoled her and promised her it was just a dream and that mommy was okay and we snuggled.  All better. 

I love my little girl to pieces. 

Hello February

  I am really enjoying the blessing of having an extra bedroom with lots of natural light.  I set up a backdrop stand and drop, add a couple of lamps and use my flash on a low setting and whalah I can call the room a studio. haha  Editing is a breeze because the SOOC images are so consistent.  The studio has been a nice change from the usual outdoor photography sessions that I do.  I have had the studio set up all week for a few different sessions and before I took it all down I realized that I really should snap a few pictures of my own kiddo.  I am SO unmotivated when it comes to photographing my own child these days.  I don't seem to have the energy to get her dressed cute, create a set and bribe her to smile for me...well, that and for the past year she really hasn't liked having her picture taken.  I'm hoping that is changing!  Today, Daddy helped me out a little bit and it all went much smoother than I expected.  I got so many pictures (which is rare!) that I will cherish forever and I think they capture my almost 3 year old perfectly.  Daisy really enjoyed getting special attention from me and Daddy and she also let her entire range of facial expressions loose for the camera.  Can't wait to share!  I just adore my daughter.  She truly is sunshine on my rainy days and every time I look at her beautiful brown eyes and brush her strawberry blonde hair I praise God for her.  Through her, God has blessed my life abundantly with love and laughter.   I also posted a couple of pictures from my other sessions of two VERY adorable, happy babies as well as a picture of muah...yes, me.

I figure that posting a picture of myself provides a nice opportunity to share on a topic that I don't often get to address...image perceptions.  My only motivation in wanting a "studio" picture of myself was that I need an updated picture for the bio on my photography page...I strongly dislike the one that is currently up.  The hubby helped me out again and snapped a few pictures for me. Thanks hub! It only took 5 minutes of awkwardness thank God.  Let me be clear...I do not like seeing myself in pictures.  Honestly, I really don't and I am very guilty of nit picking myself to death, though I usually do it discreetly in my head.  "Oh man my neck looks funny.  My nose looks too big.  My chin looks like Jay Leno.  Oh dear, my hair is too greasy. My mole has grown!"  I know, it's sad and silly but, I do think it is the way that so many women and girls view themselves.  (maybe you don't have that issue and if so that is so awesome!!) I'm only sharing these thoughts with you all to be honest and real cuz that's how I roll in my bloggy world if you haven't noticed that by now.  lol.  It's not easy for me to be on the other side of the camera but, I have been working on it for a couple of years because, I want to continue to heal my heart by facing my fears.  I am always working on accepting who I am inside and out and I do think it is a life long journey for most of us.  I am definitely much more at peace with who I am now at almost 30 than I ever have been.  When I was in my teens and early twenties and had fewer wrinkles, no gray hair, less body fat etc...I was more insecure.  Go figure.  It's funny because it doesn't matter how "beautiful" a person might be by the world's standards...if they don't feel beautiful inside then they can't see it. Regardless how a person looks on the outside...if they feel beautiful on the inside then they have peace and contentment on the outside.  It's amazing how much our thoughts dictate our views.  This is why it is so important to train our thoughts to focus on eternal things that heal us and make us whole as opposed to temporal things that make us feel ugly and broken.  Oh young girls how I wish I could hug you all and help you embrace who you are and see yourselves the way the King of Kings sees you.  Priceless.  Beautiful.  Unique.  Cherished.  Dearly loved.

There is something beautiful about aging and embracing who we are and recognizing that what is on the outside is fleeting but, who we are on the inside is what lasts and endures the test of time.  I want my heart to be refined and purified by knowing Jesus Christ and learning about how He loves me and views me.  Hopefully God's truth will radiate out of my pores well into my 90's.  So here is my, "embrace your rapidly approaching 30th birthday," picture!  I think it very important to add that this image is edited.  I sharpened my eyes, softened my wrinkly skin, removed a big scar on my shoulder and even touched up my toe nail polish.  hehe.  Now that I am a photographer it is SO much more obvious to me how much editing is done to every image you see in a magazine.  People don't just look like that....well, I mean they do but, no one is "flawless."  It's an illusion.  Trust me.   Thanks for letting me share my heart with y'all!

I would have lost heart...

A picture that I adore with a couple of verses that I hold tightly too...pretty much equals perfection in my book.  

If you are in a season of pain or trial or just having a hard week then I encourage you to also claim these verses for your life.  Don't stop believing friends!  God is so faithful.   

Choose Love

I made one quick outing to the store this morning. The clerk working there was beyond disrespectful and just down right horrible. The kind of person that makes you feel like an idiot simply for being in their store. Perhaps she was having a bad day. Perhaps her cat died or her Mom, Dad or Great Uncle Billy is sick with some incurable disease...or perhaps she was just being rude. 

Then as I drove back home contemplating the regularity of my encounters with rude and unhappy people I had the pleasure of witnessing two drivers in the throes of road rage. One was driving terribly and clearly did not know where they were going. As a result they caused another driver to swerve out of a lane more than once. I understand how incredibly frustrating it is to be the one nearly side swiped by a driver who is clearly not driving wisely but, I have also been the one making stupid mistakes on the road from time to time and generally on accident. I know that we are all guilty of that. Of course the driver who was being inconvenienced had to make sure his voice was heard. He sped up and began tail gating the terrible driver in front of him. He swerved wildly in and out of a lane to pace the bad driver, which caused others on the road to become very aware of the road rage behavior.  Finally he pulled up next to the still clueless driver, rolled down his window and exchanged some choice words. Testosterone at it's finest of course. The clueless driver who had evidently made a wrong turn and was back in a lane to get onto the freeway once again was not about to tolerate the attack. He chose to participate in the screaming match and he even added a few lovely hand and finger gestures to the event. Then the light turned green and they went their separate ways either feeling better or worse about what had transpired. I was a bit amused and definitely entertained by it all but, I was also grieved. 

Do we realize how little we accomplish by stooping to the same level as the bad driver, the rude clerk, the foolish person and the evil person?  Will we ever learn that this pattern only begets more evil, violence and unkindness?  Will we ever see that we are all a small part of a big problem and we can choose not to be...by learning how to take a deep breath, swallow our pride and forgive instead of fighting back. 

I don't think that turning the other cheek comes naturally to us at all but, if we desire to be a blessing in this life then perhaps it would be wise if we trained ourselves daily in the practice of humility and grace.  Prepare yourself for the fact that people are in a hurry on the road and mistakes are constantly being made.  Leave room between you and other drivers for grace.  Prepare yourself for the fact that so many people are hurting and angry and they are taking those emotions out on the wrong people.  Leave room for love, forgiveness and mercy. 

 We aren't perfect of course and even when we try we will still make mistakes.  We might start our day with the best of intentions and yet by mid day find that we have lashed out at someone in anger or cut someone off on the road purely for the satisfaction of doing it.  

I had one particular night that my stress got the better of me.  I got lost driving somewhere far from home and anyone that knows me well knows that getting lost while driving stresses me out more than just about anything.  I have no sense of direction whatsoever.  It's really quite pathetic actually.  My phone battery died and I was relying on the GPS on my phone to find my destination.  I was so overwhelmed.  I was also driving my husband's enormous truck that I am not comfortable in.  I pulled into a ridiculously packed college parking lot with compact spaces and truly did my best park job with the beast of a truck, between two tiny cars who were not parked straight. I even backed the truck out and corrected as much as I felt I could in my crooked space.  I had waited a good while for that tiny parking spot to become available and as I parked and got out of my truck, the car next to me pulled out.  I began marching to the closest burger joint full of emotional turmoil.  A man in another large truck yelled at me from across the parking lot, "hey lady, can you fix that park job? There aren't any other spots in here and I need that one." I was boiling. I am laughing as I write this now but, in that moment I did not find any of it funny.  I was late to my appointment, it was dark and I didn't know where I was.  I was only parked crooked because the car next to me had been crooked...the car that was now gone and now someone was yelling at me half way across a parking lot to go back to my car and re-park it for the 3rd time to accommodate him. 

Honestly, the calm me would have done this with a smile on my face and a happy, "Sure, no problem sir." The stressed out, lost, overwhelmed, about to cry me, was not able to respond that way.  I looked at this man and a whole slew of things flashed across my mind that I'd like to say to him.  I am not great at being mean even when I am mad (honest!) but, I tried my best and managed a halfhearted and rude, "well, I guess I have to don't I."  I marched back to my truck, pulled it out and parked it again and then got out and nervously stormed pass the other driver without making any eye contact.  I really wanted to make a point and it felt good for like all of ten seconds.  I glanced back only before heading into the burger joint to see that he had parked completely crooked.  I shook my head in irritation but, hoped he wasn't eating at the burger place because, I was already starting to feel guilty about my rudeness.  I didn't want to see him again because, in the state that I was in, I would probably start bawling and through snot and tears I would tell him my story and beg for forgiveness.  Thank goodness he ate somewhere else which gave me time to calm down and reflect on my my poor choices.

 I don't want to be that person.  She comes out once in a blue moon and I never like the outcome.  The next time that I am feeling this pressed and squeezed I want to sit for a minute and breath before I speak to anyone or I might end up regretting what I say. lol    The truth is that nothing justifies bad behavior...nothing.  We all have a choice to turn the other cheek and to love like Christ loves us.  Christ, who forgives us over and over again for our sins without striking us down as we well deserve.  Choose love today even in the face of unkindness and you just might be a blessing to a broken person.  You just might prevent an accident or brighten the skies over a stormy city.  Choose love! 

The Ultimate Giver

Last year I themed our tree the Regal tree.  This year I decided that our tree felt elf-ish so I themed it just that, the elfish tree.  There was just something about the quirky lime green balls, the sparkly lime green joys splashed about, the sparkly silver balls, the bright red ribbon and the spunky bow on top (that I made myself thank you very much) that just screamed for Will Ferrel to come and have some maple syrup covered spaghetti with us.  He never showed.  I was disappointed.

I simplified my decor quite a bit this year and actually left several boxes in the attic.  It was nice to have less to put out and less to put away and nice to have less clutter around during the holiday season.  A house can look and feel so festive with just a few little touches. 

We stayed home this year so our families back in CA generously shipped us a few gifts, which was such a treat and they definitely helped fill up the space under our tree! Though I would have LOVED to have had more of our family with us in NC this past Christmas I don't regret staying home.   I really enjoy being in our own space and being able to celebrate and create our own traditions with our daughter now.

I have gone from a mom/photographer that was always determined to capture pictures perfectly to a mom who barely carries her camera and doesn't even bother to get the face in focus anymore. hehe. I think the first couple of years or so of Daisy's life I was so passionate about capturing her life through my lens but, as time passes, I am becoming more interested in capturing her life through my eyes and heart. So...this is the best I got of Daisy in her Christmas dress.  Hair all frazzled and a dazed look in her eye. lol I got her dress at a consignment shop this year.  I couldn't bring myself to spend a ton on a dress that she would only wear for a couple of hours at our church Christmas Eve service.  Target had some pretty adorable dresses this year though and it was tempting to say the least!

On Christmas Eve Eve, Daisy's buddy Ella came over to do a little gift exchange with her. It was pretty cute to see them exchange their presents and to be excited about sharing. They both had to dress up a little too! Perhaps another new tradtion?? :)

I do love the Christmas Eve Jammy tradition that my Gram started and I plan to contine it with our family. I was looking everywhere for jammies for Daisy but, wasn't having much luck and then happened to see one pair on clearance at Baby Gap like 3 days before Christmas! That made me happy and they looked pretty stinking cute on her if I do say so:).

We had planned to get a picture of Daisy with Santa and this was that particular night. When we got to the mall the line was easily an hour long and we decided that it would be a far more pleasant night if we walked around and window shopped instead. So we did just that. Maybe next year we'll have better luck!

She makes this face quite a bit now and it's a silly one isn't it!  It can actually mean a couple of things from what I've noticed.  She 'll make this face if she is uncomfortable or nervous and she'll also make this face when she isn't really liking what she is hearing.  See below:). Glad I was finally able to capture it.  I'm telling you, this kid has SO many facial expressions!

I didn't get any pictures during the Christmas festivities but, remembered to snap a couple before the day completely got away from me.  Daisy was hanging out in the box while Daddy assembled her new baby station. This toy was ridiculously tedious to put together. Thumbs down for that but, she seems to enjoy it otherwise.

It was so nice to have Grandma Beej (or Beach as Daisy calls her) and Granddad with us this Christmas.  Truly, they made the holiday season much more festive and special.  We always love their company and we are so happy that they live so close by now.  Such a treat!!  Daisy is quite fond of them and that is pretty special to me because she doesn't bond to people easily.  It has taken a lot of visits but now, she gets deliriously excited each time she sees them and she talks about it for the rest of the day after they leave.  Her favorite thing to do when we visit their home is play with their flash light and watch princess videos on youtube.  It's so cute! Definitely blesses this mommy's heart.

Daisy and Granddad have a special little bond. Daisy high fives Granddad over and over again and loves to be silly with him. So cute to see the two of them interacting:)

I managed to capture the, "mom, is he ever going to finish putting this thing together?" face. hehe

and finally...it was finished.  Her very own nursery! Daisy got a lot of fun goodies.  She got baby dolls, princess barbies from Disney, dishes for her kitchen, a princess bike and helmet, a drum music set, clothes, a leap pad (!), some books, a doctor set, and some other little things...I'm really only recording that for her memory.  Maybe someday she'll be curious about what she got for Christmas when she was 2.5? :)

And now, for my long over due story regarding the life sized nativity. About a week before Christmas as I was driving to Wal-Mart one evening with Daisy I noticed a nativity in front of a church along the side of the road. I rather randomly decided to pull into the parking lot and let Daisy out to see the nativity and took the opportunity to tell her once again, the story of baby Jesus. I wasn't sure if she would be interested or not but, I thought it was worth a try.  I was a little bummed that baby Jesus wasn't actually present in the nativity...(still not sure why He never was) but, nonetheless the nativity became the highlight of Christmas for both me and Daisy. Our little visit turned into a long visit.  I stood back and let Daisy do her thing and I ate it up.  Let me rephrase that...it literally filled my cup to overflowing.  I was bursting at the seams with joy because, to me there is no greater thing in all the world that my daughter could take interest in than Jesus.   For it to all happen so naturally and to see her childlike curiosity and wonder reminded me so powerfully about the true meaning of Christmas and for us that is Christ.

Daisy chatted sweetly with each animal and she seemed to think that they were hungry because she offered each of them little handfuls of hay while gently patting their heads and backs and saying, "der you go all better." Then she walked up to Mary and Joseph and had a priceless little conversation with them about baby Jesus.  I could only hear bits and pieces of her chat from my place on the sidewalk but, the sweetest thing was when she bent down to kiss Mary's belly and told baby "dejus" that she loved him and she would see him soon.  Oh how this heart of my melted and yes, she was very sad to go when that time finally came.     

This past Christmas season was especially hard on me for various reasons that I won't get into.  I tried so hard to busy Daisy and myself with festive things like decorating, singing carols, cookie baking, holiday crafts, bible story reading, shopping, church services, etc. but, I still felt a strange sadness and loneliness and being so far away from all of my family back in CA didn't help.  I didn't want to feel lonely or sad and trust me I fought the feeling with all my might.  I had plenty to keep me busy but, the ache was deeper than all the stuff around me could fill.  I cried out to Jesus to take away the sadness and loneliness and I sought Him as best I could for the answer but, no answer seemed to come...at least not immediately when I asked.  The night that we first visited the nativity the sadness began to fade although not entirely.  Still, it was more than enough for me to recognize that in the crazy, busy Christmas season of doing this and that and racing here and there; taking the time to pause at a quiet Nativity with my daughter on a chilly night was by far the most powerful experience we shared.  By the way I contacted the church to get permission for these visits since I knew Daisy would not be satisfied to look from the sidewalk...what child would really.  She wanted to be close and to experience Jesus first hand.  Just as we all should! "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

 We decided to return again on Christmas day after mid day naps.  After all what better way to spend Christmas, a day that so many of us celebrate the birth of Christ, than to visit baby Jesus at the Nativity.  I thought it would be fun to have Daisy pick out a boy gift and help me wrap it for baby Jesus and she loved that.  On Christmas day she was SO excited about visiting baby Jesus and taking Him a birthday gift.  We drove to the Nativity with the grandparents and she chucked the present towards Mary in typical 2 year old fashion.  "Der you go baby Dejus! Happy Birfday. Wuv you!"  Then she began chatting with the animals again.  It was just as adorable as the first visit.

 Funny story...We attempted to sneak the present back into the car (I wanted to leave it but, thought the church might think that strange lol:) when Daisy was heading back to her car seat but, all of a sudden she made a bee-line back to the nativity and instantly wailed, "whe is dah pwesent???"  We momentarily panicked and then being the awesome parents that we are... got her distracted looking in another direction while Joey chucked the present all the way back to Mary.  Daisy turned back around and smiled happily, "oh deh it is!"  Oh my goodness it was a riot. We were all sad to leave the nativity knowing that it will be a year before we get to head out for this fun tradition again but, our fun continued at home with a birthday cake for Jesus.   

 Daisy got to help decorate the cake and I stuck a baby Jesus from one of our Nativity sets on top to help her better understand who the cake was for.  She totally got it and she had a blast singing happy birthday to Jesus.  And then it happened....after visiting the nativity and seeing the delight in my daughter's eyes as she sang happy birthday to Jesus...it was then unexpectedly that all the sadness and loneliness completely vanished and the love and peace of celebrating Jesus with my family warmed my heart through and through.  All felt right in the world and I felt no sadness at the closing of this Christmas.  I felt the most indescribable peace that we experienced it perfectly.  I didn't choose that moment or will it to happen because trust me if I could have I probably would have chosen a few weeks earlier but, then these memories might not have been as powerful!  The timing was perfect though.  God's timing always is.  I wish I could explain the situation better and do it more justice...but, let me just conclude by saying that it was definitely a holiday miracle.  Thank you Jesus for loving us so perfectly, for seeing our broken hearts and filling them with just what they need.  You are the ultimate gift giver!! 

Her Big Girl Bed

I took a kajillion pictures of Daisy the first night that we set up her big girl bed...which was ages ago now but, I've been wanting to share them because they are so cute.  She was so happy to have her own pillows, her own comforter and her own step stool to get in and out of bed as she pleased.  She was being so silly and chatting up a storm.  I'm happy to report that she transitioned into her big girl bed like a champ...which was such a relief considering how exhausting potty training has been going with her.  Though I do have to give her credit, because she is a champ about holding her potty all night long.   

She goes to bed around 8 and chats until close to 9:30 every night.  I have a monitor that allows me to chat with her so I will occasionally tell her to settle down but, otherwise I let her talk and play to her heart's content.  I figure it wears her out and helps her to sleep better.  She usually sleeps until about 7 and hasn't yet wanted to get out of bed on her own.  I know that won't last for much longer but, for now she likes me to go in to get her and snuggle with her in bed for a little while before she gets up.  It's so stinking cute.  Anyhoo, enjoy the pictures of Daisy enjoying her new bed and please forgive the white patches on the wall.  We were filling the holes from a shelf that we had to remove from her wall. Hope everyone had a great New Year's Celebration! 

and more silliness..hiding under her blankets, calling Daddy in to see her bed and pretending to sleep.

oh the faces that this kid can make...