It's interesting because lately even though I have had a lot of deep moments of reflection with the Lord I have been unable to articulate them for a blog post. I just know when there is something that I have to share because the passion I feel is overwhelming. I haven't felt that way for a while now but, it's okay because I know that this to is a season...but, today I do have something I feel called to speak out on...the still far too taboo topic of depression. Did I word that right? If I didn't forgive me..I was excited to about using the word taboo in a sentence. LOL.
Our family continues to wage onward like war torn and weary soldiers but, I know that we will be victorious in this battle. I know that God will be given the glory. God has been challenging me a lot lately. Just when I thought I was intimate and close to the Lord, He asks me to go deeper and deeper. He challenges me to press in more, to surrender more, to strip away at my selfish nature and to reflect His light more brightly. My life feels like it's going through a crazy pruning season. One thing God continues to impress upon my heart is that pain can at times be a good thing. I have endured years of heartache and a physical weariness that reaches my bones BUT, I have grown, learned, matured and deepened in my understanding of who God is and what my purpose is here on Earth. It's a crazy thought to grasp but, God's word says we are here on Earth to worship HIM! Why on Earth would I want to do that when I could live just for my emotions and happines or just for my family?? As I have grown in my understanding of how incredible, miraculous, faithful, giving, merciful, gracious, beautiful and awe inspiring God and all of His wonders are...I WANT TO WORSHIP with every breath and with every action. I realize that this life is in fact not about me but, it's about Him. I want my life to point towards Him and the perfect peace that only He can provide. I've been asked a lot how I keep it together with all that we have had going on. Well, the truth is that I wouldn't be able to keep it together but, God's word in me quiets me when the noise in my head is overwhelming, speaks truth to combat the lies, gives me strength to overcome the fatigue, gives me life when all I feel is death, gives me hope, gives me forgiveness to forgive, gives me patience and gives me love.
Because I am all about being as transparent and real as possibly with y'all I will admit that I have been battling a season of mild depression for several months now. This is most definitely brought on by the circumstances in my life over the past 3 years. I want you all to know that I have SO much compassion for people who live with severe depression and or anxiety for years and for those who are paralyzed by it. I am not there at this time but, I am also actively combatting how I feel so that I don't get sucked in to that place. It is a very real and very awful battle for so many people and it actually angers me that our society likes to sweep it under the rug. We are comfortable talking about other illnesses such as Cancer, Diabetes, Alzheimers, chronic back pain etc. but, we are so often uncomfortable talking about depression in public. It seems that so often it is looked at as shameful, embarrasing, not a legitimage illness and unacceptable. This behavior in our culture is not helping people get better but, repressing them even more and making them feel like they have to hide out alone with their feelings. It's normal to battle depression at some point in your life, you are not alone and if you ever find yourself in that place it doesn't mean you are crazy. Why that stigma is still out there in 2012 I'll never know.
So, in closing I will say...if you are battling depression or anxiety in any shape or form, my prayers go out for you today. I hope you find the strength to reach out to others for help, counsel and encouragment if you haven't done so already. I hope you know that you are not alone ever and if you ever do get to the point that you feel lost in that feeling, please, please run to someone so that they can help keep you safe. God loves you and wants to walk you through to victory! You are beautiful, wonderful, creative, talented, unique and priceless in the eyes of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He has a plan for your life and your story is still being written. Don't stop fighting for your right to live a beautiful life! A brighter day is coming so hold on to Jesus and He will bring you through! If you ever want to e-mail me for prayer or encouragement (which will always be with God's word and truth) please do! You can find my contact informaton at the top of my website under the contact tab.
I just love this first song below. It's like my battle anthem song. It's as if I can hear my Father in Heaven crying out to me and to all of His kids on Earth, Wake up child!! It's your time to shine!! You were born for such a time as this!!! Rock on.